So I am having my second baby in China. Goodness me, I did not expect any of this when I signed up to live in Beijing for 2 years! But here we are, in our 3rd apartment, having expanded our ‘stuff’ from the original 2 suitcases and now doubling our family in just under 5 years. We are fortunate to live in a beautiful 3 bedroom apartment on the 28th floor, and while I would love a garden for Zipporah to play in, I could not be happier with our view, large windows that let in lots of light, and the home we have managed to create for ourselves (with a lot of help from our friends at IKEA of course). But we have also outgrown it, and so with the impending delivery date looming ever closer (end of May), I am in a pickle because I simply have to “nest”. Any woman who has ever been pregnant will know the feeling: that urgency to organize, sort, plan and shop for your little one’s arrival (no it’s not just an excuse to spend money guys!) It’s a genuine feeling you get, with all those hormones raging inside of you, that you simply cannot control. Take me for example, I have no idea where I will be living in 3 months from now (not even sure which country), but my compulsive urge to make a home for my unborn child is so strong within me that I have literally re-arranged every room in our house, and spent hours strategizing lists and purchases, lying awake at night thinking about every nook and cranny and where things should go. I am really just re-arranging the furniture! But I can’t stop. There is no room in this house for our second child (not if we’re to have granny come and stay to look after the toddler), and so my poor son is to make his home in the corner of our bedroom for the first 6 weeks of his life.
This is very different to the way that Zipporah came into the world. First, she was very planned and from the moment we knew I had conceived we talked about her, imagined life with her, and dreamt about her. Everything was new and exciting and we planned our existence and chose our next home with her in mind. This pregnancy was slightly less planned, and you have a lot less time to sit around and dream about motherhood when you have a real-live-in-your-face-every-minute-of-the-day toddler to keep you busy. Zipporah slept in her own bed in her own room from the day she left the hospital (some of you are shocked I know), and every colour in that room – from the curtains to the carpet had been carefully planned. Not only does our second-born not have a room, or a colour scheme, but he has a makeshift bed. He will, initially, be sleeping in what used to be Zipporah’s bath and compactum (this sounds worse than it looks but essentially it is the truth). And I consol myself with the fact that at least I have however, managed to get a custom-made mattress in there for him. Lucky guy!
Our little one’s arrival comes at a time of great change in our lives, and the fact that he’s coming, or that things are changing, cannot be changed. So we will make the best of the time we have in this home, and whatever other homes we live in before we find our son a room, with a colour scheme, and set up his proper crib. Until then, he will have a place in the corner of our bedroom, but most especially in our hearts, and that will have to be enough for now. I can’t feel guilty it’s different the second time around, it just is. But I know that this new child will be no less loved than his sister ever was, I can only pray he knows that, even now.
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